Oh, Lord, today I find myself truly questioning myself . . . I KNOW that You have called me to go and make a difference in this world . . . to speak Your truth into the lives of others . . . to share with them HOW to apply Your Word to their day to day lives and walk in victory. Those that listen, and start to actively use the Bible, as You intended them to, have started to grow and are seeing such wonderful results – it is exciting to see!
I thank You, Lord, for allowing me to be a part of this wonderful experience . . . but . . . then, why do I find myself questioning today????
One simple conversation with someone I hold in high esteem . . . one sentence spoken I allowed to enter into my heart.
Oh, Abba, all these years of seeking Your face, following after that which You have placed within me – have I truly heard from You? Am I really doing what YOU want, or have I been chasing my own dream?
To be honest, at this particular moment, I feel like stripping my walls bare of all my diplomas, burning them! Screaming out “WHY?!” and “What do they account for, anyway?!!!” They are NOTHING! Only YOU, Jesus, Only YOU!!! You are ALL that matters to me . . . everything else is nothing to me . . . You are all I want . . . You are all I need . . . You are all that I desire . . . You are all I serve . . . but as I serve You, I end up getting so banged up, so battered, so crushed . . . even by those I love so deeply . . . You understand, even better than I as You were bruised, beaten, and crucified, forgive, me, my beloved Lord, I have no room for tears nor complaint. I just need to know, do I continue? Am I to carry on with that which You have called me to do, regardless of the fact that others wish me to stop? Why do they want me to not work in the Kingdom for you? Is it because I don’t fit into their mold? Should I try to be something I am not? Am I not who You created me to be? Or am I missing something? Show me, Abba, You know my heart, You KNOW me inside and out . . . every minute detail about me . . . I lay myself on the altar . . . do whatever You need to do . . . I desire to continue to make a difference . . . but ONLY as YOU direct dearest Lord.